Finding Strength

Manoa and I have been in Maryland for the past month. It was a GREAT trip. I was excited to come home and post pictures from our trip. But something has come up in our life that was by far more important to address...

I am pregnant. Some of you may know that and some may not. 21 weeks. Today I went in for my ultrasound and was hit with some devasting news. Our baby boy may have some problems. So far it looks like he has a cleft lip. There are also some possible issues in the brain and heart that are more reason for concern. We don't know the extent of anything yet so we are hoping for the very best outcome. But today as I heard the news my heart felt like it instantly shattered into pieces. I couldn't breathe, couldn't swallow. You know when you go thru things and you are hoping it's all just a very bad dream. And sometimes you wake up and that's all it was... a very bad dream. And sometimes it's not. The last thing you want as a parent is for anything to be wrong with your children. At first I thought... this can't be happening to me. Not me. Not my baby. I broke down into tears. They didn't stop coming. And my legs couldn't stop shaking. I went to the bathroom and threw up.

After I heard the news at the hospital Jake, his parents, myself and Manoa all went over to our home. Jake's dad gave me a blessing and afterward gave Jake a blessing. This past sunday I taught my CTR A class about the Power of the Priesthood. I'm glad I had this fresh in my mind. The immediate peace that we felt after the blessing helped us to relax, be calm and regain composure. All I can say is the power of the priesthood is very real. And I am so grateful to have it in our lives today.

This is by far the biggest trial I have ever faced. Today my father in law told me something that struck a cord. He said challenges bring change. Whether that change is good or bad is up to us. It has reminded me to be positive, have hope, keep being obedient and have more faith in the Lord than I ever have. I believe that things happen for a reason. My sister told me that I am a stronger person than I know. She told me I've never had to tap into that strength within myself as much as I need to now.

All my thoughts are just jumbled up in my mind right now. I am still not thinking straight. (which is why the post my sound a bit confusing) Im hoping it will be my therapy and at the same time let others know 2 things: 1- I want to keep my friends and family updated with how the baby is doing and how we are doing. 2- I want anyone who reads this to know that I have a strong testimony of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know without a doubt that they love me and want me to be happy. I love understanding and knowing the truthfulness of this gospel. I know the Lord will not give us a trial that we can not handle. I know there is real power in faith and in prayer and in fasting. I know the Savior feels my heartache and my sadness and my pain. I know he understands me. I know that I will pray my very hardest for the best outcome for our sweet baby boy and I know that regardless, I will love this precious baby with all my heart - with the unconditional love a parent feels for their child. Lastly, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for family and friends, for love and support, for prayers and blessings and for Jake and Manoa. My two loves are my stregth. We are all trying to be strong for each other. I love my family and pray that we can stay strong and have faith during this time of trial.