During this difficult time I have found little things or tiny miracles that have happened that I am very thankful for. These are things Jake and I can hold on to and keep our strength and our faith as we go through this. One of the tender mercies from the Lord was getting the results back so fast when they usually take 10 to 14 days. We got the results back 2 days later - the only night my sister and her husband were in town from Maryland (they were attending a wedding in Idaho the next day). Also my sister who lives in Provo was up at my house with her family at the time. The night I got the call my two sisters and brother in law were at our home. Jake and I are so grateful they were there. In that moment, we really needed the love and the support that they gave to us. I also recieved a wonderful blessing from Jake and my brother in law. Even though the results from the test were not good I felt peace. I was happy that I wouldn't spend the rest of my pregnancy in complete distress from not knowing what was wrong or from feeling guilty.
Being pregnant and feeling my baby move inside me knowing that he will not live long is agonizing and painful to say the least. But Jake and I understand the plan of salvation. We know the Lord has a particular plan for all of us. This is the kind of trial that can break a family, the kind where doubt can set in and cause you to lose sight of the most important things. We refuse to let this happen. Our relationship has grown leaps and bounds since a week ago. Our testimonies have increased tremendously. We have never felt closer to our Savior than we do now. He knows our sadness and our pain. He experienced it as he prayed in the Garden of Gesthsemane.
We believe there are 2 main reasons for coming to this earth. One is to recieve a physical body and the second is to be tested. Our sweet boy may have proved himself in one way or another that he has already completed and passed the test that we are all taking now as we live our earthly life. He simply needs his physical body. And that - we will provide for him.
Thank you again to all of you who have talked to us or wrote to us and have shared your feelings or sympathies. Jake and I love and appreciate you very, very much.
Our baby boy...
22 comments:
We have been praying for you, and you continue to have our thoughts and prayers. This has broken our hearts, but we are grateful of your reminders of the plan of salvation. We love you dearly.
My heart goes out to you and Jake. What a tough, tough thing. I haven't faced anything like that, but both my mom and my sister have lost a baby (my sister died after a week, my niece was a still born). You have such strength and testimony that I know you'll get through it with time and the atonement.
My only advice to you is to keep loving that little one - forever. And make as many memories and keepsakes from what time you get with him as possible. I know some of the most treasured items are hospital blankets, footprints, hand prints, molds of hands, photos, etc. Ask what services your hospital provides. If there isn't much, let me know. My sister volunteers to do these types of things for parents going through what she did.
All my love.
Joanie, your mom forwarded your blog url to me and we have been reading about your ordeal. I am amazed and admire your faith. All you say is true and I am sure you will able to raise your baby during the millenium. Our family loves you and we will all pray for you and your family.
A huge hug,
Blanca
Joanie, hoping you don't mind me popping in from Lauren's site. I heard about your sweet new baby boy and wanted you to know that we are praying for him and for all of you. Its so obvious you are a wonderful mother. There are no words to say how sorry we are that you have to go thru this. Just know there are many who care and will be praying for ease and comfort. What a beautiful ultrasound pic of your precious new little man! Love, Carmen Valencia (Childers)
You are such an amazing mom and your faith is incredible. Love you Joanie, please let me know if I can do anything for you and your sweet family.
Joanie I just read your blog and bursted into tears.... I can't imagaine fully what you must be going through but having been pregnant and know how neat it is to have something move inside of you I can see how difficult this must be for you knowing that your sweet little boy is alive and after he is born may not live... I am keeping you and your family in our prayers. I wish you didn't have to go through this but its so neat to see the strong faith you have and its also comforting to know that families can be together forever.... what comfort that brings in knowing that the plan of salvation is such a special thing and I am grateful you have the gospel in your life to know that. Again, I am keeping you all in my prayers and pray you can be strong through out this whole experience. I admire you.... love you, Shari
Joanie and Jake, we love you and I am so moved by your strength and the testimony that you are sharing with all of us. We will keep your sweet family in our thoughts and prayers. love your cousin Brooke
Joanie and Jake,
My heart goes out to you both.I love you and know that the Lord does as well. We are all tested to our limits. I feel my burdens lifted through Christ and can testify of that. You are such an amazing example to me. I do not know how I can help if at all,but I am here and love you both! You will be in my prayers.
Ana
Wow Joanie. I'm reading this with tears streaming down my face. I'm touched by your faithfulness and understanding. What a beautiful gift you're giving to this precious son. I love you and am thinking and praying for you and your family.
Katie Miller
Can you plan a fast for him, so that we can fast along with you along with all of your other friends and family. We love you and you are one strong woman!!!!
our prayers are with you!
Joanie, Thanks for sharing you time with me today. I feel lifted up by your strength and your testimony. I know that the Lord will continue to give you and Jake the strength to get through this and look forward to the birth of this sweet and perfect spirit. What a beautiful gift you give this sweet boy, to give him the chance to gain his earthly body and then be perfected to that perfect state. We pray for you and your family as you continue on through this journey that the Lord has asked you to do. I know that this experience will bring you knowledge and spiritual growth in ways that you couldn't imagine. We as your Ward Family are here to lend our support and our love. Love to you both, Debbie Mitchell
Joanie,
I'm so sorry to hear this. I will be praying for continued peace and comfort for you. Please let us know if there's anything we can do! Lots of love...Kim
Joanie,
My heart breaks just thinking about what you are going through. While I want to help and say something profound I struggle to find the words. I am truly amazed by your testimony and can feel that there are many people who love you. The Lord knew this is a trial you can handle. And your sweet baby boy chose you as his mother. That says wonderful things about the person you are and the strength you have.
My sister was a stillborn and listening to the heartache my mother went through is overwhelming. I cannot imagine being chosen for this trial. I want to ease your burden and be there for you in anyway that I can.
A foundation we like to donate too is http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ they provide support and beautiful memories for families who go through these experiences. I would be happy to help you get a sculpture of his hands and feet, if you would like, just let me know.
You are in my every thought. Please let me know how we can help. xoxo - Tina Yu
oh that breaks my heart. I wish I had something to say or do to relieve some of your heartache. I have to say that I am so impressed by your faith and understanding of the gospel. We are so blessed to have that knowledge in our lives especially during our trials. I will continue to pray for you guys and if you need anything at all please let me know. Love ya
My heart aches for you. Our prayers are with you.
I love you Joanie.
Claudia
Ted and I have been praying for you the last couple weeks. Our hearts really have broken for you. You have so much faith and your testimonies have definitely touched us. We will continue to pray for you and your little baby. We are glad you have found some peace.
Joanie - I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your baby boy. That has got to be the worst thing as a mother and I can't believe how strong you are being. I am so glad for your strength and that you know about the plan of salvation. Hang in there - my prayers are with you guys.
Joanie, I found your blog and just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and your sweet baby boy. :) your writing of this time brings back so many memories. I'll be praying for you guys.
Suzanne Tingey
Jonnie. Thank you for sharing your story. I know this us such a personal thing for you and your family. Thank you for your example and your testimony. I know the Lord will bless you for it. Your baby is beautiful. Thank you again for your strength and faith. You are such a great example to me. we will be praying for your family!
Love Amy (Talbert) Shaklee
Joanie and Jake,
The strength and peace the Lord has given you flows to all of us. Thank you for your deep faith and testimony. The Lord has entrusted you with this perfect little boy and you will be able to rejoice with him throughout eternity, though the heartache now must be very difficult. We love you and pray for you.
He is beautiful and perfect in Gods sight...the only sight that matters! Love you and my prayers are with you dear friend!
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